


Xanax and Whiskey

by sksdwrld



Series: Asterisk [32]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sksdwrld/pseuds/sksdwrld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the suicide of his best friend, Elliot has a bit of a regression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Xanax and Whiskey

The last time he'd done this, there had been giddy euphoria followed by a sense of relaxation that was unrivalled and Elliot had thought that it would be easy to become addicted to that sensation.

This time was nothing like that. This time, there was an irreparable rent in the universe and three shots on top of his xanax only forced the world into the narrow, dark tunnel between his hands. Around him, jovial celebrations were on going but they seemed so far away because Jay was gone and Christina was a mess and he was a mess and there wasn't any coming back from it because _Jay was gone_. The world had swallowed him up and there wasn't anything to stop it from swallowing Elliot up too. The pillar of strength had succumbed and it was only a matter of time now before the everyone else followed suit.

Earlier, there had been a sea of faces awash in black mourning garb and they had come in and in and in like the tide, forcing Elliot to close on himself until he couldn't look anywhere but the box in order to avoid their eyes. But in the box was something else entirely and Elliot didn't think he could face that either. A corpse. A husk. The ruined shell of perhaps not a great man, but a man who'd done great things for Elliot. He'd been like a father or a brother, Elliot wasn't sure because he'd never had either so his basis for comparison wasn't reliable but the point was that Jay had been there, picking him up, holding him up, showing him he could walk when he didn't think he could even stand.

And Elliot had thanked him by running away. By not coming around at Christmas. By not being there to return the favor. By not writing, not calling, by callously thinking Jay would always be there to come back to.

_"You okay, Elliot?"_

_""I'm going to be sick..."_ And Jude had hauled him outside where he smoked and swallowed it down and tried not to think about it, but of course that only meant that he obsessively thought about it, even.as women skated in circles and battered one another and themselves in the quest for a meaningless title.

Now they were here at the bar and he couldn't even remember the last thing that Jay had said to him. What had it been? What had it _been_? He hunched over, trying to work it out in the fuzzy melancholic stew of his brain but the more he tried to sort the pieces out, the farther away everything seemed.

Someone came and nestled again him and they were warm but it took so much effort to even list toward them and then he was being tugged up, forced to walk. It was so far that his feet couldn't keep up and they dragged no matter how many times he willed them to move faster. Words were beyond him. Consciousness was beyond him and away he went, slipping into the rabbit hole once again.

Blackness gave way to muted darkness. His body felt tired and weak, achy and full. He pushed at the bed until he could roll over and he floundered into a sitting position, then rubbed his eyes until they no longer like cotton balls.

Maddie and Jude. Tangled around each other like lovers. Well, grief had a way of pushing people toward each other, if they weren't Elliot who only pushed people away. He pushed to his feet and as he stumbled past, one of them sucked in a breath. In an uncoordinated haze, Elliot's shoulder caught the wall and he swore but continued on to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he trekked back. Maddie and Jude were on opposite edges of the mattress and there should have been something interesting about that, but no. The only interest Elliot had was in falling back into his bed, and that is exactly what he did.

Sometime later, he woke to Jude shaking him. They had to get ready for the service. As he sat up for the second time, pain spiked behind his eyes and spread throughout his head. Across the room, Maddie started the coffee pot. Elliot was digging around for his pills when the scent hit his nostrils and he gagged, barely making it to the bin under the desk before throwing up.

"Oh Elliot," Maddie said sympathetically. It only made him realize how pitiful he was. Holding up his hand, he shook his head. He didn't want either of them near him right now. Yeah. It was going to be that kind of day.


End file.
